I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize