i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
