Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
