i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
