I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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