I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
