I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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