If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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