OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
