I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
