I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize