Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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