I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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