if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm too high and old for this...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
