Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
