Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize