Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
