puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
