What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
