The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
