plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize