and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hippo gnu deer
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
