im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
