Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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