I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
