you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize