Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
