Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
