Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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