like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
