she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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