This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
