I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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