Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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