it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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