I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
