the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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