The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
