I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
