who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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