I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
