you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
