your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
