You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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