...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
