If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
