FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
is it fun? or sober?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
