Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
