so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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