So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
