Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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