He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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