I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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